papercranes & memories

yesterday's breakfast

2011-05-17T10:34:00.000+08:00

My sister and I had too much time in our hands yesterday that we decided to fix ourselves a meal. Like my other little projects, the egg-in-a-toast was an experiment. Thankfully, my stomach didn't give. Cheers to more happy mornings :)

Mumford & Sons - The Cave

2011-05-11T11:45:00.001+08:00

This pretty much sums up the things I'd like to tell myself now. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

***
It's empty in the valley of your heart. The sun, it rises slowly as you walk away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind. The harvest left no food for you to eat. You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see. But I have seen the same I know the shame in your defeat. But I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again. So come out of your cave walking on your hands and see the world hanging upside down. You can understand dependence when you know the maker's hands.

little treasures

2011-01-17T00:18:00.002+08:00

These are a few of my favorite things. Some of these necklaces were given to me by my lovely friends, one was given by my aunt as a souvenir from one of her travels and I instinctively and compulsively bought the rest. I'm hoping to find and own more of these little treasures :)

tron: legacy

2011-01-15T00:53:00.004+08:00

This issue of Little White Lies pays homage to the film and the theme that surrounds it. Dive into this digital dissection and discover every bit and dimension that made this film come to life.

Neon Trees - Animal

2011-01-07T16:15:00.005+08:00

This is my newfound ear candy. I've been playing this over and over ever since I heard it on a TV show.

***
Here we go again I kinda wanna be more than friends so take it easy on me I'm afraid you're never satisfied. Here we go again We're sick like animals we play pretend. You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I wont get out alive. No I won't sleep tonight. Oh, oh I want some more. Oh, oh what are you waitin' for? Take a bite off my heart tonight.

I was Emma.

2010-12-16T13:44:00.002+08:00

Last night, I spent some time with the most wonderful people I know. We exchanged gifts, ate a sumptuous meal and laughed at each one's jokes and blunders. Then I ended my lovely day with this Christmas in a cup. It makes me happy when people give you what you like even if you haven't wished for them to be given to you :)

roll friends

2010-12-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

To those who received this, and the other gifts I have given, know that you are wonderful and I love you to bits :)

* * *
The story behind this is quite interesting :) I initially found this posted in my Tumblr dashboard last Monday (I tried looking for the original post but I failed). I luckily traced its origin though. This is by monopolydesign.co.kr. Then by chance I saw this at a local mall last Tuesday night and so I said to myself Gee, this would be a nice Christmas present. And the rest is history.

scorpion connector ring

2010-11-27T07:57:00.004+08:00

Define compulsive buying. This is my first official online purchase, a scorpion connector ring. It looked so badass and I could not resist buying it. So I hurriedly submitted an order form not knowing it would be approved immediately by the shop admin. We arranged for a meet-up that was held last Thursday, roughly two days after I submitted my order. It was that fast! The transaction was seamless too!

So, for the ladies out there looking for hip fashion apparel and accessories, do check out Belle York :)

to our heart's content

2010-11-21T07:45:00.001+08:00

Last night was magical :) I had a reunion of sorts with my high school friends, we had dinner together, then we watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1. After that, we spent the rest of our time together at a coffee shop and we just talked and talked and talked to our heart's content.

plains, plaids, prints & v-neck shirts.

2010-11-07T13:06:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was another Divisoria day for me and my mom. She bought a bunch of floral printed rompers at a very low price for her small business which I dubbed part of the "black market" ~~since it's under the radar of Internal Revenue~~. Anyway, we were also able to buy a whole lot of other stuff, including trendy shoulder bags for Php 150 each since my mom's really good at haggling :) And, finally I was able to buy a white v-neck shirt yesterday and the best thing about it was I bought it at a discount! I've been looking for it for like forever. Divisoria is the best! That is if you know where to find what you are looking for :)

afternoon sun.

2010-10-24T15:21:00.002+08:00

the afternoon sun feels refreshing.

into the wild

2010-09-28T06:21:00.001+08:00

I have come to realize that not everything in this society, the one i have been so dependent of, can contribute much to my unending desire for growth, may it be physical, mental or spiritual. Our creative potential as human beings can't be contained, confined, constrained and it cannot be never be realized by each one of us, it's just a matter of acknowledging it and letting it grow.

As crazy as it may sound, I salute the people who chose to drop out from society because they chose to. they chose to abandon an age old tradition, that study-work-get-married-have-kids lifestyle in search for a higher end, they have seen the consequences, and now they want something far better than long hours of commuting to work only to arrive at the office to stare at a monitor the whole day. They chose to become detached from a system of routines. Where might they have gone? I believe they would want to discover the world on their own and build little utopias for themselves. The modern world has given them tiny complications that had piled up and filled them to the brim. Having to pay for everything is one thing, taxes and all. education that goes against one's moral fiber is another. and one more thing, you are forced to think that having no job is embarrassing and a disgrace. The very society we live in has created this competition of who gets a higher pay at the end of the month and who doesn't, who gets the managerial position and who doesn't, who gets to go work abroad and who doesn't. at the end, our society all boils down to money, fame, power all of which are used to trample on the poor, the unpopular and the weak. With the society we have, with this kind of vicious system, social classes can never be abolished.

All means of escape from this kind of society is daunting and most of us will never dare to, I might not either. But those who go against what is and create for their own a new option instead of being contented to available and limited choices have given me hope. A new age is coming, one that will redefine what a society is all about. It is not all about the economy, not all about the fame, not all about money, but having to live and be free of any of these constraints.

Written July 15, 2010. Inspired by "The Dropout Economy" by Reihan Salam (Time Magazine vol.175 no. 11; release date: March 22, 2010)

"While the higher education industry continues to agitate for college for all, many young adults are stubbornly resistant, perhaps because they recognize that for a lot of them, college is an overpriced status marker and little else."

look back

2010-09-22T22:00:00.001+08:00

Don't look back by looking forward. Let go of the bias of having to look at how it ended. Then you'll focus more on how things really played out, void of any assumption you conceived after you have learned how it ended.

— nugget of wisdom.

little bliss

2010-09-14T01:15:00.003+08:00

Wow... really. Things I like have a way of finding me. They just creep up at the most unexpected circumstances. These little surprises give me bliss :)

hello september

2010-09-01T00:59:00.005+08:00

Let's work together like we're meant to. You running at your own pace and I still always catching up. I can't ask you to slow down... but please let us make each day seem long and meaningful, at the very least :)

css galleries

2010-08-28T00:18:00.006+08:00

I had fun experimenting with CSS galleries tonight after finding some interesting tutorials from webdesignerwall & zurb. The above photos are from my blog links page and my portfolio page respectively. I'm gonna sleep tonight satisfied.

these are just words after all

2010-08-19T01:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i read books. sometimes i listen to music. sometimes i write. sometimes i look at the clouds for answers. sometimes i walk around aimlessly looking around, searching for something unnoticeably beautiful to sweep me off my feet to remind me just how much beauty there is in the simplest of things in life. sometimes i wonder about you and just how much i should let go and how much i should keep within the photos of my mind. sometimes i wonder how it’s possible to love someone so much that it breaks you. sometimes i think about all of these things that have happened in my life. sometimes these are all just sunny hazed memories in my mind that i can no longer recall. like somehow i forgot how to feel and embrace things with a sense of open-mindedness. sometimes i forget that i deserve to be loved as well. sometimes i lose myself in thoughts of empty promises. “i’m trying," is really all i can give you. but a multitude of words and stories in my mind that i can’t seem to organize and arrange are somehow making things hard for me to find my niche. because at the end of the day these are just words. empty words that don’t mean a thing to you and to the rest of the world. this is just a place i’m in. a moment within a moment. i’m not trying to down play this fire inside of me. this isn’t a plea for help or pity. i might be a little bit lost. i might be a little bit lonely. i might be a little bit confusing. i might be a little bit sentimental. i might be a little bit weird. i’m a little bit of everything. i may be alone on all of this, but at the end of the day, just like you and me, we all just want to find our place in the sun. and that’s all we ever really know for sure. these are just words after all.

(via vincentnicasio)

Whip It

2010-08-18T14:39:00.006+08:00

The music from the movie Whip It is as important as the movie itself. It is part of the small, lovely quirks the movie has and no scene is ever complete without these snippets playing in the background. Kudos to Drew Barrymore for fitting all 50+ songs in one movie.

Here's a full list of the songs played in the movie (via reelsoundtrack):

Opening: Knocked Up - Kings of Leon
(Unknown scene): Simple Truths - Nick Glennie-Smith
(Unknown scene): 59 Miles To Jacksonville - Tommy Joe White
(Unknown scene): Texas Was The Last - Joe Fitzpatrick and Wayne Perry
(Unknown scene): Manipulation - The Black Angels
(Unknown scene): The Greatest Love of All - Tawatha Agee (version by Whitney Houston)
Drive to roller derby: Sheena Is a Punk Rocker - The Ramones
(Unknown scene): Blue Turning Gray - Tyler Sargent
(Unknown scene): Learnalilgivinanlovin - Wally De Backer
(Unknown scene): Scratch - Steven Baber
(Unknown scene): I Know What I Am - Band Of Skulls
(Unknown scene): High Voltage - Jessie Everett Hughes and Josh Homme
Tries rollerskating: Domingo No Parque - Gilberto Gil
Coach pulls up in buggy: Hold On - Wilson Phillips
(Unknown scene): Melt! - Steven Bingley-Ellison
(Unknown scene): The Queen of All Returns - Dead Meadow
(Unknown scene): In Ear Park - Department Of Eagles
First skate with Barbie rollers: The Road to Austin - The Section Quartet
Practice: Caught Up In You - .38 Special
(Unknown scene): I’m Housin - EPMD
(Unknown scene): Once Again - Squeak E. Clean
(Unknown scene): Boys Wanna Be Her - Peaches
Second run: What’s The Attitude - Cut Chemist
(Unknown scene): Sea Of Time - Curtis Knight and The Zodiacs
Hot tub: Wrap It Up - Whitey (thanks to NJ Whitey for the correction)
(Unknown scene): Black Gloves - Goose
(Unknown scene): Fun Dream Love Dream - Turbo Fruits
(Unknown scene): Get Up Get Down (Tonite) - Turbo Fruits
(Unknown scene): Another Sweet Summer’s Night on Hammer Hill - Jens Lekman
(Unknown scene): Unattainable - Little Joy
(Unknown scene): I’m Your Torpedo - Jessie Everett Hughes and Joshe Homme (version by Eagles of Death Metal)
Singing in diner: Jolene - Dolly Parton
(Unknown scene): You’re Not Waitin’ At Home Anymore - Ricky Calmbach
In the car with Oliver: Punk as Fuck - American Analog Set
Laying on hood of car: Deep In The Heart Of Texas - June Hershey and Don Swander (version by Gene Autry)
(Unknown scene): Dead Sound - The Raveonettes
(Unknown scene): Bang On - The Breeders
(Unknown scene): Dillon Cadence - Studio Musicians
(Unknown scene): Pot Kettle Black - Tilly and the Wall
(Unknown scene): I Predict a Riot - Kaiser Chiefs
(Unknown scene): High Times - Landon Pigg
Food fight: Il Trovatore: Di Quella Pira - Giuseppe Verdi
Pool scene: Your Arms Around Me - Jens Lekman
Drop off after night together, trade shirt: No Surprises - Radiohead
Only 17: When I Said I Wanted To Be Your Dog - Jens Lekman
Bar: ZZZPenchant - Rafter
Web site song: Super Theme - Squeak E. Clean
Pageant: Kids - MGMT
Prep for match: Heart In a Cage - The Strokes
(Unknown scene): Crown of Age - The Ettes
Final match, Shmashley Simpson: Cannonball - The Breeders
Championship: The Power Is On - The Go! Team
Championship: Doing It Right - The Go! Team
(Unknown scene): Breeze - Apollo Sunshine
End credits song #1: Lollipop - The Chordettes
(Unknown scene): 28 - Lorene Scafaria
End credits song #2, rap: Know How - Young MC
Final end credits song: Never My Love - Har Mar Superstar

skins.

2010-08-16T23:53:00.001+08:00

There's faces. Behind the skin... Between this world and the next. Their teeth, and their claws comin' out. Trying to break through. The moment I saw you, I knew it’d be the closest I’d get to being... close. I didn’t know what to do with that feeling. Happiness. But they know now and they’re hungry. Really fucking hungry! Because, for as long as I know, they’ve been chasing me. And now they’re ready, now they’re strong enough to break through. And I can’t fight them. I used to be able to when I was strong but you’ve made me weak. And now I can't — I can't!

(Effy Stonem, Skins)

I feel ugly.

2010-08-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm nowhere near who I was three years ago. Or is it just the things around me that has changed and it is I who haven't moved at all.

our little adventures

2010-08-09T08:40:00.004+08:00

We were at it again. Me, Tita Christy and our little adventures. I had my fair share of inspiring celebrities, food for the soul, a nationalism booster conference (specific topics on our national language), good food and blockbuster spy movie that day. If I had to relive that certain day, I would live it again the same way I did. It all started with a simple YES to my Tita's request. [03 AUG 2010]

what was then

2010-07-26T09:36:00.001+08:00

I was cleaning some stuff in my room when I suddenly found my long lost diaries, two to be exact. I really thought I have lost them a long long time ago. I was browsing through the pages and it felt a bit nostalgic. One of them contained a collection of my random rants when I was in fourth year high school. I had a lot to say throughout the school year... and I used some text lingo too. A note starts w8 lng... then it ends in shocks nmn! :(. I started laughing as soon as I finished the whole paragraph. I miss those days; those days when I can freely write about anything that comes to mind; ~~those days when a boy tries to get my attention~~; our prom, my first dance, my last. Oh, not to mention those inevitable petty fights you get into with friends that would eventually die down and in the end you'd find your relationship with them a little stronger. I also miss the days when I can sleep as early as 9:00 in the evening and beyond that I'd start worrying because I might not get enough sleep. I miss the sleepovers, the birthday celebrations that were accompanied by blowouts either at McDonald's or at the celebrant's home, CAT training sessions, the summer training!, my highs and even the lowest of the lows. I miss our adviser's sermons and how she makes us realize how negligent we are on our class garden. I miss our yearly retreat, especially our last one. Then I flipped the last page which ends in a line that says It's time for me to move on and continue living this LIFE that I have never imagined before.

My last entry on my latest diary, the one which contained my rants during my first year and second year in college contained this:

02 December 2008
- WHAT DO I LIVE FOR?
↑ this might be the hardest question i'd ever have to answer.
- I don't want to go on without realizing why I do things in LIFE... It feels like everything I do is UNSATISFYING.

W H A T D O I L I V E F O R ?

shall I live for myself?
shall I live for my family and friends?
shall I live for LOVE?
shall I live for SUCCESS?

Honestly, up to now, I still am not sure of my answer, but I know I'm getting there. No matter how slow it gets, as long as I get to the point where I can be sure enough to tell the whole world what I live for, it's enough. For now, I have to prepare to take on a new path, a path I have never imagined I would take though in the past it came to my mind but I instantly gave up on the idea because I thought I saw a better opportunity, but I was wrong. One thing I am grateful for is that now I am more sure of my decision. What was then doesn't really matter anymore. I have to start anew.

five so far

2010-07-23T00:49:00.008+08:00

soon this collection will grow.

theme update!

2010-07-20T03:55:00.004+08:00

Inspiration for this theme came from the paper cranes that actually hang above my bed. I believe I made my first crane origami way back when I was a child when I owned an origami guidebook. Well, few years pass and I forgot how to make one... and my guidebook sadly went missing. Last year, I tried making a paper crane from scratch, no guidebooks, no instructions, just plain memory and logic. I pretty much did that here too since I started from nothing with this theme. I built it on my own, pixel by pixel, code string by code sting. (well with the exception of some help from wonderful people around the internet)

I went through a lot of used paper before I could make a decent one. There are 18 paper cranes that hang above my bed so far plus a big red one that remains sandwiched between two books with its head sticking out in my shelf. Two of them thus far contain sentiments about my memories, bad ones. I hung them above my bed because I wanted them to be the last things I see for the day and that each time i see them i am reminded of my mistakes, my memories, good and bad. and that each time i acknowledge the fact that there are some things i can not change and that these mistakes are already a part of who i have become. forgetting them is the same as forgetting that I am but a human.

a day in the life

2010-07-18T18:21:00.007+08:00

I rode the bus, the MRT, the jeep and the taxi all in one day. Since I saw a child with a rare illness that has no know cure yet [and this saddens me], saw a woman faint and how she was helped by good Samaritans and saw how slow people in authority and people very capable of delivering first aid respond to her all happened while I was riding the MRT, I therefore conclude that my MRT rides are becoming more interesting. All the more that it became interesting when I rode the MRT back to Ortigas. It was around 7 pm. I knew it was rush hour but I didn't expect what happened next. The train was jam-packed. We were literally like sardines crammed and packed in a can. To give you an idea, imagine having surrounded by strangers on all sides with having no space at all in between each of you, your face against their back, shoulder and at times near their armpits [yup, even taking awkward positions just to gain stability when the train slows down or speeds up]. Every stop was excruciating. Each time the sliding doors opened, incoming passengers would still cram themselves into the train knowing there is not much comfortable space left. It was ANNOYING.

I ate lunch early that day, ordered a meal that's more appropriate for breakfast [tapsilog] and I chugged a glass of cold soda even if I had colds [and I still have colds until today]. I drank a bottled iced tea beverage that claims it tastes like strawberry, but to me it tastes a lot like my favorite juice drink back when I was young. I remember having to drink the juice from a palm-size packed-like-a-junk-food translucent plastic with a straw pierced into the packaging [sounds weird but that's how I remember it]. It was pretty nostalgic. I had some shark's fin dumplings for dinner and A LOT of lemak rice. I felt stuffed and bloated at the end of the day.

I knew I was having one of that this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life moments when I first entered Forever21 at SM Megamall but disappointment quickly overcame that feeling because I wasn't able to take some loot home but that can wait :) I know I'll be going back there soon [err, going there was somewhat spontaneous and so I wasn't able to take some extra money].

I spent close to 7 hours waiting in a lounge area where I read clever and enjoyable articles off of Jan-March 2010 TIME Magazine Issues to kill some [okay, a lot] of time. I found little nuggets of wisdom in these magazines too. One article I can clearly remember discussed about 10 Ideas for the Next 10 Years, one of the ideas was a discussion about the so called dropout economy; how young adults these days decide to live a life they chose [that is to dropout from college], and how one can build a self-sufficient home or community to in a way escape taxes, yes, you'd have to grow your own food with eco friendly means, generate your own electricity by harnessing the power of the sun, etc. The article was telling something like: Who needs jobs when in the future, the job you're planning to get into won't exist just 'cause manual labor is being replaced by equally competent machines? Another argument was clearly stated in a line that says:

While the higher education industry continues to agitate for college for all, many young adults are stubbornly resistant, perhaps because they recognize that for a lot of them, college is an overpriced status marker and little else.

I spent this day with one of my idols in life, one of my mentors when I was in grade school, my friend, my Tita. She too experienced most of what I experienced that day, not to mention the dreadful rush hour MRT ride to Ortigas. But still, weighing my gains over my loses [or loss, haha], I'm glad I agreed on accompanying her on a special assignment by her boss. I could have easily spent July 15, 2010 sulking at home, watching movies, just letting the day pass and go to waste. It's not every day that I get to experience all of this in one short day. I could have easily missed half [or maybe a quarter] of my life if I did not agree to her favor. It's pretty amazing how much can happen within a day, how much can happen with every choice you take.

HIATUS.

2010-07-07T21:24:00.007+08:00

I've been using tumblr for a while now and... I think I'm liking it over blogger. ~~oops. sorry blogger~~

but this shift is just temporary (I mean, how can I let go of my first ever blog!? :)

'cause while I'm not posting here, I can concentrate on redoing the whole theme of this blog. yey! I can't believe this current layout/theme lasted for more than 16 months! when I started blogging here, my layout would change after 2 months or so, HAHA.

bye for now!

http://midsummerhues.tumblr.com

there's no place like home.

2010-03-31T21:12:00.003+08:00

found these tucked at the corner of one of the stalls that dot our plaza this Lenten season.

I had fun wandering around Vigan for two days now. Every time I come home, there is something new to look forward to.

PEOPLE TO MEET / I MIGHT MEET: high school friends, relatives, uber cute nieces and nephews;

THINGS THAT CAN BE BOUGHT @ A BARGAIN PRICE: geeky glasses [that i have been searching for for a while], all kinds of accessories, bags, t-shirts [i found a CUTE cookie monster shirt earlier today. haha :D], and stuff that at first I thought I must buy and I'd promise to use but after a while would end up becoming clutter in room. haha;

FOOD, FOOD & MORE FOOD: FASTFOOD O_O, all the kabi-kabilaang handaan of relatives / acquaintances who celebrate their birthdays, graduation, wedding anniversaries, etc.;

PLACES TO VISIT / REVISIT: the BEACH, St. Paul Metropolitan Cathedral, my beloved alma matter, places to shop :)

This is why I love my hometown. I never get bored when I'm home :)

here comes my storm.

2010-02-28T16:34:00.011+08:00

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions.

You change direction but the sandstorm chases you.

You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.

— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

stay with me

2010-02-23T12:33:00.003+08:00

This song pretty much describes what I feel at the moment. [watch the video here]

Stay With Me (english translation)
Music & Lyrics: aozorafantasii

I'm tired
Is it okay if I don't smile?

Pretending to be strong
Is very great and all
But it doesn't fit here

I don't want any comforting
It doesn't fit here

You're not looking deeply, are you
You're not looking at me, are you
Why are we hiding our hearts?

*I just want someone to be here
you don't have to know the answers
I don't want someone to save me
Just as long as you'll stay with me

I was hurt by someone I trusted
Now I can't rely on people

Fighting alone
And hitting the breaking point
Why does it all become a meaningless shade of gray..?

I'm not special or anything
I'm just a human being too
Sometimes I get scared
Anything and everything.. fading

an education

2010-02-10T16:48:00.007+08:00

hold me ‘til I lose my shadow.

2010-01-30T01:20:00.006+08:00

I felt kind of poetic ... oh well, here it goes :]

My days have gone bitter
No sweet songs or joyful whispers
When will I taste a promise so reassuring?
When will I know?
Here I sit, still waiting.
Daylight take me,
Hold me ‘til I lose my shadow.

busy january // happy december

2010-01-09T21:51:00.007+08:00

Wow. a new year has just started and i'm beginning to feel the pressure. i've got to accomplish a lot of requirements before this month ends *sigh*. anyway here is what happened during my two week vacation last december [I surely made the most out of it ;D]...

[DEC. 25] I had fun last Christmas because celebrated it with my whole family. Thanks to my cousin who gave me a "This Journal Will Actually Change Someone's Life in 2010" Journal :))

[DEC. 29] Ate lunch @ Millicent's fish pond with the best friends I could ever have [my HS classmates] then we went to the beach to have some more fun! :)

[DEC. 30] Had my old guitar refurbished, yey! Thanks to my Aunt who owns a furniture shop in San Vicente (they've got lots of cans of varnish lying around) :) Total cost: FREE. HAHA! :D

[DEC. 31] We had a fun new year's eve! My dad bought two cartons of fountain fireworks and each firework was labeled with different "wishes" for the year to come such as Luck, Love, Prosperity, Serenity, etc. After I lit them up, watching them burst made me feel good. I've set my hopes up for this year and i'll keep my fingers crossed :D

37 seconds

2009-12-28T19:20:00.002+08:00

Here is something I got from the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium:

Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

dive into freedom

2009-11-23T22:43:00.006+08:00

got this from an LG TV commercial... it's a very lovely insight :)

The day we're born is the last day we are truly free.
Before you know it we're boxed in, held back, constrained.
Facing a lifetime of walls, roadblocks and coloring between the lines.
But what if we knew we were free to go further, no walls, no ceilings,
nothing but POSSIBILITIES.

Wake up.

2009-11-07T23:44:00.001+08:00

W A K E U P.

sometimes i'd wish i could just die instantly just to escape my problems... but life doesn't easily work out that way, does it? it gives you all these shit, slaps you on the face as if it wants to tell you "hey! wake up! there's still more to life!" then you'll soon find yourself wanting to work hard to get out of the situation.

life makes you bear pain before you can have what you desire and that's what makes life beautiful because in the process, no matter what, we learn to stand up again and continue to walk until we draw our last breath.

never give up, have faith.

(photo via melt into spring)

hope.

2009-11-06T17:50:00.009+08:00

it’s the one thing you can count on.

hope is the thing that gets you up when you’re down in the lowest spot. day after day we rely on hope to help us survive through to the next day. no matter the sorrow or misery or despair that we undergo in one day’s time, there will always be the guarantee that we can look to hope as that light that will give us that urge to survive. there will always be a light in the dark. a single sign that proves that you have reason to survive and make it through whatever life throws at you. the greatest promise is knowing hope will always be there. some hurts are never gone, but you have to keep moving. the first step away from a painful experience is always the hardest. but hope is the best friend that stands by you through all that. hope allows us to move forward. it helps us find some way to survive this thing we call life.

(via treeswithoutleaves)

typography inspiration

2009-10-12T03:44:00.005+08:00

iloveDAHONG {2}

2009-09-21T16:36:00.010+08:00

[PHOTOS HERE]

*FASHION INSPIRATION OVERLOAD! I can't really stop hoarding these photos from dahong.co.kr :} haha.

*PERSONAL FAVORITES:

*P.S.: I made the cover for the pdf file above being loaded by the widget above :)

HP6 Adventure! :)

2009-08-29T00:56:00.006+08:00

*JULY 17 or 18 (haha, i can't really remember!)

*We all had one goal in mind, and it was to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince no matter what! :D

*photos grabbed from Tin :)

photobooth :D

2009-08-26T19:36:00.002+08:00

My cousin and I were bored so...

ROFL.

NUMBERS ... Do the Math

2009-07-25T01:39:00.002+08:00

11:31 pm

just made myself 1 cup of coffee
found 4 slices of bread in the fridge and 1 can of liver spread
all to satisfy 1 hungry stomach

already spent 1 hour and 46 minutes surfing the net
its been 10 minutes since the internet connection went nuts
speed: 100 Mbps … what a waste!
browsed 214 photos of our Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Adventure
gained 641 pet soc coins
62.27 plurk karma (+0.03 since last karma update)

to finish tonight my part in our 2 case studies
to apply 3 methods of analysis (ratios, common size and trend)
to study 7 exhibits pertaining to VICMICO’s operations (case 1)
downloaded 3 huge tables of statistical data pertaining to sugar production in the Philippines
refined sugar production in Victorias, Negros Occidental (in 50-kilo bags):
6,264,501 (1994-1995); 6,317,255 (1995-1996); 3,708,823 (1996-1997)
can I still manage to sleep for at least 3 hours?

within the week, I’ve withdrawn Php 5,000.00 for my allowance
I’ve already spent 40% of it :|
spent Php 90.00 for 2 kilos of laundry
gave up Php 50.00 for a cause
used up my 300 peso smart buddy load (for surfing the net) in just 3 days
finished reading all 205 pages of Haruki Murakami’s book, After Dark (in pdf)
watched 1 indie film
transferred 100 songs into my phone
deleted 98 photos in my photo gallery after making backup copies
only had 1 meal yesterday, dinner (my family would kill me if they knew this)
played 9 songs using my guitar today
3 of my fingers already have calluses, but it’s okay :)
heard 1 “Hi!” and it made my day

wasted 1 hour and 33 minutes typing this lame post

distance.

2009-07-17T11:17:00.004+08:00

Here's an excerpt from "After Dark" by Haruki Murakami that caught my eye.

"Yeah," Mari says. "But it's possible for people to draw closer to each other even while they keep a reasonable distance between them."

"Of course it's possible," Takahashi says. "But what seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else."

It stirred up my heartstrings, I don't know why.

How to install love

2009-07-11T20:31:00.005+08:00

Sooo cute & sweet! :)) I found it here.

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

iloveDAHONG {1}

2009-06-11T00:51:00.013+08:00

[PHOTOS HERE]

*I've been hoarding these photos for a week now, i just can't stop!!! (O__o) ... the clothes are amazing!!! if only I owned a credit card, then i'll definitely buy their products :D...

*I found these at dahong.co.kr

*PERSONAL FAVORITES:

*P.S.: I made the cover for the pdf file above being loaded by the widget above :)

fly away...

2009-06-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

A butterfly that comes flying by
An airplane roars through the sky
The invisible signals between a cellular phone and the void.

In the city
On the roof
Whenever I see an airplane
I feel that I want to board it, and fly away.

To where?

Can we truly fly?
Is there any place in the world, right now
More fitting for us to be than here?

life's not always a fairy tale

2009-05-11T22:21:00.008+08:00

A happy ending in reality... is it really impossible? Telling your beloved that you love them, holding unto the memories after the breakup, and using it as a stepping stone to becoming a better person. I wish there was a referee in our life to give us a yellow card when we do something dangerous and foul us out when we commit a violation. How long do we have to continue this game that has no rules? Will Happiness come when this game's all over?

- Kim Min Hee; I Like It Hot

Memory, Queries and a Goodbye

2009-05-10T18:54:00.001+08:00

I stumbled upon a memory, and it contained you.
I picked it up, closed my eyes.
I hear your voice, the sweet tone that makes your presence known.
I feel your hands, those hands that always ended up entangled with my hair.
I see your smile, oh, that smile that shows your inevitable contentment.
I reach out with both hands to hold you now on your cheeks.

You have an ugly laugh that I’d love to hear now.
Can you remember?
You were trembling when you first held my hand.
You gave me my first journal with a note that says write with me in mind.
You were about to tell me something but decided not to do so.
You gave me a call just to wake me up on my first day of my last year in high school.

I thought we saw eye to eye.
I thought you’d forever caress my hair.
I thought maybe, just maybe, I felt the way you did towards me.
I was so sure.
The feeling never really existed in you.

I am staring at you now, you’re slowly vanishing.
I lower my hands and clench them over my chest.
You’re gone.
My eyes are now open.
I can’t feel a thing.

Now I wonder, will you stumble upon your share of this memory too?
Just please do, your piece of the pie is better.
I still miss you. Even if you’ve already said your last goodbye.

replay

2009-05-03T20:53:00.011+08:00

When you're not around
I just feel a little down
This is kinda silly right... it's not okay to me
And I think I'm gonna hate it boy
If you turn your back on me
I don't wanna let this go ...but I'm wondering*

How do I be careful
Not to show you what I dream of
Kinda crazy but I
Replay Replay Replay
When we're together
Every moment that I treasure
Like a movie that I
Replay Replay Replay

Original Song by SHINee
English Ver. by Lisa (aozorafantasii)

make a wish.

2009-05-02T19:19:00.002+08:00

Make a wish, and pray that tomorrow will be okay.
No matter how fickle your hope is now,
No matter how dim,
The light at the end of this tunnel still shines.

There's hope. Have faith.

100% perfect girl

2009-04-30T16:47:00.004+08:00

I fell in love with Haruki Murakami's works after I have read this story he wrote which is entitled On Seeing The 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning. The whole story is quite lengthy so I decided to just post the climax part instead.
[click here to read the whole story]

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

finally.

2009-04-07T19:00:00.001+08:00

I got slapped by reality today, and I deserve it.

Everything is finally making sense to me right now. The pain finally reached me, my heart, my soul. It hurts a lot. To think that I did everything half-heartedly thinking everything will be okay, but it’s not and it won’t be until I wake up to reality really shows who I really was, what was really on my mind. I’ve got to be strong, because now I am to rewrite my wrongs and undo the foolishness that I made.

Am I to be blamed? I did foolish things because I did not know what I should be doing in the first place, and for whom or for what should I be doing them. I saw a chance to play a trick on myself. I knew things were not right, that my doings are becoming of less significance since I didn’t even really know why I was doing them in the first place. I can’t comprehend anymore. And so I did it, I played a very stupid trick (a very stupid act), to hurt myself and wake myself up. As I finished the first step, I realized that this foolish act was not enough. So I continued to build on what I have started, by doing even more... To make things clear, I deliberately stabbed myself because everything that I did was of no essence, I couldn’t feel anything. This may sound like an excuse for not doing so well or as good as expected but truthfully this is what I really intended to do. Doing something that makes sense is more important than doing everything without a purpose.

Here I am now, awoke, alive again. I can really feel the pain now. I was numb, I was naïve, I was stupid. I never knew that the answer that I was seeking was right in front of my face. Looking back, I’d say it was all worth it. What should I do?... Be the best of who I am. What for?... For the sake of my family (they need me now more than ever). Now I know. Now I’m aware. Now I’m awake. No more doing foolish things. I’ve got to set things straight now. It’s now or never.

P.S. I never knew my first bday wish would come true right away. For that, I'm happy :)

18.

2009-04-06T16:32:00.004+08:00

Why do people want cake in their happiest moments? I’m not really sure, but life may be a cycle of pain and bad memories. That’s probably why people look for cake when they’re happy. Since life is a bitter thing, we try to make our joys even sweeter.

- Joo Ji-Hoon as Jin Hyuk in Antique Bakery

Happy Birthday to me! :)
Simple yet significant. Haha.

it matters no more

2009-04-02T18:14:00.006+08:00

But to evolve you have to dismantle, and that means accepting the idea that nothing you've created in the past matters anymore, except that it brought you here.

To pick up your new marching orders.

- John Mayer

i want ___ after i turn 18.

2009-03-29T19:32:00.007+08:00

How will my world be different after I turn 18? I will be 18 soon and I’ve decide to make this list, a list of the things that I want to happen in my life after I become a year older. For my 18th birthday, I won’t ask anything except for these :)

to find my purpose in life, so that finally I can be firm in my beliefs, be firm in believing in my dreams
to find the thing that would make me happy for the rest of my life, somewhat similar to finding my passion in life
to have a stronger mind
to have a stronger heart
to have peace of mind
to feel human again
to realize my real goals in life
to realize that things happen for a reason and they are all out of my control
the people around me, the people that I love, to be happy
the people I love to still understand me no matter how stubborn I am at times
the people I love to reach out and snatch me away from my misery no matter how much I intend to shut myself away from the world
people to appreciate more the little things that I do to ease the situation
not to feel numb ever again
not to act as if do not care
to be true to myself
to be true to others
to be satisfied with what I can achieve and have achieved
to be the best of who I am and who I’ll be

...

2009-03-08T21:57:00.003+08:00

i'll hang on 'til it's over...that's all i can say for now.

clockwatching

2009-03-02T13:31:00.006+08:00

my inspiration for the new theme of my blog :)

i'm sooo in l♥ve with Jason Mraz's music.

a million little pieces

2009-02-28T21:51:00.008+08:00

This excerpt from James Frey's A Million Little Pieces pretty much embodies what I feel at the moment.

I close my eyes and I let my body shut itself down and I let my mind wander. It wanders to a familiar place. A place I don’t talk about or acknowledge exists. A place where there is only me. A place that I hate.

I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind. Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with my Family, alone with my friends, alone in a Room full of People. Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness.

I am alone in my horror. Alone in my horror. I don’t want to be alone. I have never wanted to be alone. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have no one to talk to, I hate that I have no one to call, I hate that I have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be all right. I hate that I have no one to share my hopes and dreams with, I hate that I no longer have any hopes or dreams, I hate that I have no one to tell me to hold on, that I can find them again. I hate that when I scream, and I scream bloody murder, that I am screaming into emptiness.

I hate that there is no one to hear my scream and that there is no one to help me learn how to stop screaming. . . More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone. More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn’t alone.

So much has happened that I cannot comprehend. I'd have to pick up what's left of me and start anew. It seems impossible but i should still try. God help me ...

dream trip

2009-02-19T19:17:00.001+08:00

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

If possible, to outer space.
crap, i feel out of place.

photo credit:♥

i hate this ... i want this to end

2009-02-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

what's happening to me?

i'm becoming someone who i shouldn't be

*i cannot understand myself these past few days...

(1) quitting when i know i could not
(2) loosing hope when i should not
(3) lacking control over my actions when i should have one
(4) forcing myself to escape the pain even if i know i could not
(5) standing still when i should keep on moving forward

i feel as if i want to escape reality... all the pressures that i feel i want to remove. i hate they way i face things now. i hate my self for doing so. i can't have the courage to stand up anymore and show to the world who i really am. how did i end up like this? i know this should not continue. but every time i try to fight myself, i easily give up and give in to what i want to do knowing that it would cost me...

i hate this... i want this to end

photo credit: ♥

be nobody but yourself

2009-02-07T11:45:00.003+08:00

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle in which any human being can fight; and never stop.

- E. E. Cummings

utility maximization

2009-01-28T21:25:00.011+08:00

I'm now taking a break from reviewing for an exam tomorrow :P I feel a bit crappy ... I need something to lighten up my mood or at least recall all the fun that I had these past few days.

* January 23, 2009 - Challenge Night. The happiest day I have ever had in UP! Why? It was when our Challenge Night was held :D yey! and it was a success. After the event, it was as if the weight that rested on our shoulders was lifted. It was a relief that we pleased the members of the org that we were applying for. As part of the app process, we were required to organize an event in which we would showcase our talents and prove ourselves to the members, an event they call the Challenge Night. Our sacrifices paid off. The night was filled with fun fun fun! (though after the event my limbs were sore and I remember carrying a total of two bags and a guitar when I was going home. They were soo heavy. haha)

* January 24, 2009 - Party for the kids @ GK Laura. We were not able to give the kids that we tutor every Monday (as part of our CWTS) a decent Christmas Party. and so our group leader decided to give them instead a simple party. It was fun knowing that the kids had fun too. Their smiles surely made my day :) Dinner @ Chowking SM North Edsa. The above photo is a proof :D I know I had to take a photo of our number. haha. It's rare for an order to be numbered as "01". The food was great! and I enjoyed the night with my cousins and my lola.

* January 25, 2009 - Alpha Chiang's Fundamental Methods of Mathematical Economics. crap. I only did some chores on this day. Nothing much to share. I washed my clothes, cleaned my room and oh! Me and my cousin went looking for the book (Alpha Chiang's) that I need for my ECON 106. It was hard to find, I really mean very hard. I had no choice but to settle for the earlier edition of that book. grrr.

* January 26, 2009 - Me & My Katamari. I didn't have much fun on this day. Except maybe for the fun that I had when I finally played Me & My Katamari, one of my cousin's psp games. haha. What a great stress reliever :D

* January 27, 2009 - Fun tambay. I had great time with the OBEM mems during my tambay on this day especially with ate lourd :) I played the guitar, had interesting conversations with my co apps, bought and ate some crinkles (yum! haha) and was relieved of the stress I had that day (yesterday).

There, so far these are the ones that I have on my mind that might help me overcome this feeling of crappiness.

fate

2009-01-13T21:28:00.007+08:00

There's a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on to fortune, but omitted and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. And such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us.

- Lucas Scott One Tree Hill

30-year-old xmas tree

2008-12-23T10:11:00.010+08:00

Forget the presents.

Forget the bountiful noche buena.

All I want this Christmas is to be happy with my family and friends.

*went to the beach the other day ... we had fun! :D

thanks to oshin, belle, millicent, tin, aea, ly, frances, joanne, jemajo, yvette, dessa, shee, julie and kim!

*had to set up our xmas tree yesterday (yup, believe it or not :D). I unluckily got an electric shock when I tried to plug in an old set of xmas lights. It left a tiny scratch on my arm where I hanged the damn old xmas lights ... and it woke me up, haha. Anyway, I was touched when my mom told me that they had waited for me to put up our 30-year-old xmas tree [though I know this was just an excuse]. I was equally mad because they waited for me to do so. I mean, if they were enthusiastic enough about Christmas then may be they should have put it up themselves without my help. I knew the were busy but they should have set aside some time. Oh well, what's done is done ...

*lesson(s) learned: its Christmas, try to be understanding enough ... [and never hang a set of old xmas lights on your arm while testing it] :D

*I'll end this post with this text message from a friend:

My 12 Christmas wishes for you:
1. Happiness deep inside.
2. Serenity at every sunrise.
3. Success in every facet of your life.
4. Family beside you.
5. Caring friends around you.
6. A love that never ends. (♥)
7. Good health within you.
8. Beautiful memories of yesterday.
9. A nice day with so much to be thankful for.
10. A pathway leading to better tomorrows.
11. Dreams that manage to come true &
12. A great appreciation for whatever you do.

... merry xmas! :D

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! :D

mood swing

2008-12-06T10:34:00.004+08:00

I guess happiness is like any other mood we feel, it fades away even before we notice that it’s there...

Earlier today, I felt relieved for I was able to overcome the unknown body pains I unexpectedly had yesterday. And so I attended my classes with a light and easy mood. During our lunch break, Irene, Kat and I attended a thanksgiving mass in celebration of the 21st Anniversary of OBEM. I'm glad I attended for I was able to gain some enlightenment.

Last weekend, I stumbled upon a question that I never really had a chance to answer up until today... What do I live for? It kept on appearing in my mind (and no, this question has nothing to do with the catchy phrase presented in the trailer of Twilight). Then all of a sudden, it all cam down on me, I've been living a life with no "real" or "reasonable" purpose. I don't know where I’m heading... Sure, I had purposes of doing some things in the past, but those were too minute compared to the single "real" purpose that I’m looking for.

To cut my story short, I was able to pick up some insights during the mass.

One. I should realize that I have been waiting for something (or someone) to come in my life, to fill in what my life lacks, a purpose. In realizing that I am waiting for something, as Father had told, my actions would be at their purest. What I do as I wait would all come from the heart, making them true and unaltered.

Two. I should specifically know what to wait for. No one would want to wait for something unless it is important and significant. And so here I am waiting (or looking) for that thing that would make me realize my purpose.

And Three. After knowing what to wait for, I would already know what I really need. If I was waiting for that special someone to come into my life (this is only an example :P) then maybe I just need someone to be with because maybe I dread being alone. I should trust what I feel no matter how small they maybe. If I'm anxious then maybe I am afraid and I need some comforting.

In the end, though I did not have any concrete answer for the question that I imposed on myself, at least I know where I would start. I can't do anything as I am waiting as I can't do anything but wait for an exam result, or waiting for an answer to my question... and so because of all of these, I felt the UTMOST HAPPINESS (or maybe relief) I could ever feel today.

Okay. I admit, I deviated a bit on what I really want to say in this post of mine. And medyo mababaw reason ko kung bakit ako masaya.

Moving on, the HAPPINESS I felt earlier was sadly thrashed by ANGER. Yes, I was angry because I was reprimanded. I was scolded because I got sick, because I wasn’t really taking good care of myself. I got enraged (uh…irritated might be the right word) because my actions were questioned, because apparently, according to my mom, I was concentrating on things (making themes, or anything that deals with my addiction to photoshop) other than my studies and it already took most of my time and so I would sleep really late. For her, lack of sleep equals unhealthiness. For me, lack of sleep equals satisfaction, because then, before sleeping all my worries for the next day were already taken care of. But I do admit when I’m too in to what I’m doing, I can’t just drop it off and stop.

I was blind. I can’t see things clearly sometimes if they are not bluntly said. I can see things more clearly if I am scolded. Now I can see the other side of the picture. Sorry ma because I reacted without thinking. This why I could not stand not loving them, they know what’s good for me and what is not. At the end of the day, the anger faded away like any other mood I experienced… I wish I would often have these mood swings (but not too often though) ‘cause I feel human again, haha.

regrets

2008-11-16T18:22:00.001+08:00

i wish i knew better

i wish i WAS better

i wish i was stronger

i wish i had something worth holding on to

i wish i have known myself earlier

i wish i was true to myself

i wish i had the confidence to express what i really felt

i wish i what felt was true

i wish i saw things clearly

i wish i made the right choices

i wish i had the right choices

i wish i uttered the RIGHT words

i wish i realized earlier that life is only lived once

i wish i had more time

i wish i didn't put to waste so much time

i wish i never always trusted myself

i wish i trusted my friends more

i wish i should've hid myself from the truth, for once

the me back then was different...

Coca Loca

2008-09-29T20:26:00.009+08:00

After all of the things I have done this weekend,
I am left with a glass of Coke and a political map of Asia that I need to memorize...[burp]
I'm getting dizzy already...But still I have to remember all the countries of Asia

and where all of these are in the map.
Land forms and bodies of water are also included...
My mind is already spinning. God help me!

Why Coke?
I l♥ve it.
I've always been addicted to it.
It has always kept me company whenever I want to stay up late. (aside from coffee) ^^,

Oh well, I'd better get back to work...

no holding back

2008-09-15T06:41:00.008+08:00

One ... Two ... Three ... [hold your breath] ... Jump!

Okay, so what I have provided above may not be included in a How to Jump into 12-foot-deep Waters guidebook but I consider it as the most basic and a no brainer instruction for starters like me ...

I think I just had what might be the greatest weekend getaway slash field trip that I ever took ... I met a lot of great people, I got to do the things I have never imagined that I can do (the type of things that my close friends can't imagine I will do) like jumping off a pier and plunging into a 12-foot-deep area of the sea. It was my first time doing such a crazy and outrageous jump (maybe not really that outrageous 'cause I wore a life jacket) and Hindi ako marunong lumangoy, marunong lang akong lumubog! haha ... but here I am! I survived! :D My cousins' initial reactions were like "Did you plan to commit suicide?!" or "Huh?! Wow! Whoa!". Even I was surprised. I cannot believe that I have that much courage within me ...

I won't normally do things that only daredevils will actually do for no reason at all. In everything I do, I need to find a purpose in doing it for it to have meaning. I won't waste my time doing nonsense acts giving me no benifit. But this jump was different. I chose to jump because I want to restart my life. I want to keep moving on the way I used to keep moving on when I was a kid, not letting myself be trapped in the past nor worrying about my future ... So many things have pilled up already and I have reached my limit ... I do not want to live on carrying regrets which I know would pull me back and restrain myself from attaining my goals in life. I jumped knowing I would already let go of all my worries and regrets with the new courage that I would find ... *sigh* I'm glad I did it for it's not everyday that some kind of opportunity would just appear right in front of me ... I would cherish this memory as a reminder and only a reminder of the old me ...

No more holding back this time ... 'cause I've already pushed my restart button ... it's my time to change, and show the world who I really am.

don't let go...don't hang on

2008-08-11T11:36:00.010+08:00

Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long.
- from Tuesdays With Morrie

is this REALITY?

2008-07-24T18:51:00.003+08:00

I've lost track of TIME ...I've been allowing myself to be swept away by the things i thought were of great importanceNot realizing where I am heading ...
WHERE WILL THIS TAKE ME?When would I choose to stay put?
When would I plant my feet firmly to the ground,feel the earth beneath me,and finally immerse myself into REALITY? ...

be my light

2008-07-13T19:15:00.003+08:00

blue sky...blue sea [after my driving lessons]

2008-06-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

...i took these photos last may 24...we went to the beach, not to swim, but to continue my driving lessons...haha...i couldn't resist taking photos of the sky, the beach, the waves ... urgh ... everything!...these images are low in resoulution though, i wasn't able to bring a decent camera...haha..anyway, enjoy the pics!...^^,

I'm a Freshie...no more

2008-06-10T17:28:00.005+08:00

..."My first day as a sophomore will just be an ordinary day, nothing special might [or will] happen"...i kept repeating this thought in my mind for i never wanted to give this day a unique meaning, apart from those "first days" that i had in school...i can't call this pessimism, neither can it be a way for me to perceive things differently, nor to clear my mind of any distraction...today is just today...that's it...

But, these thoughts didn't really come true...hay...maybe because i am not the same anymore...i've changed [i guess]...hindi na ako freshie...and its so sad to note that our batch is no longer THE priority...well, its okay we should accept it, just as a good older sibling would do...older?!...uh, that reminds me of something...this afternoon, my goal was really to have some acquaintances and befriend my classmates in my classes...i met this freshie who constantly used "po" and "opo" in addressing me ever since i introduced myself as a sophomore...[a bit] irritated, i suddenly blurted: "Huwag mo na lang akong i-po"...haha...i really couldn't help it

...that incident made me realize one thing...i'm getting older...we are getting older...it's a must for me and us to be mature...choose what we willfully want...and to take the path we really want to take...we are given the power to choose...i am to decide on my own now...i'm a Freshie...no more...

..and oh, one more unusual thing that happened...i got [myself?!, i guess] an iBook..haha

Friendster - Lhoreze

2008-05-02T12:03:00.006+08:00

i miss my IV-St. Lorenzo Ruiz family...we've made many good (and bad) memories together...i had to express what i feel, so i made the image last April 29...i got the urge to change our high school class profile in friendster...i had enough time, so i finished it at the same day...this was not the only image i made (there's more), i also got to customize/edit the photos of my fellow classmates...i'll set mine as an example here:

i had so much fun doing all of these...well, to view the final outcome of my work [click here]

for every revelation there is a resolution

2008-02-22T13:02:00.004+08:00

urgh....

i am already addicted to my laptop and the programs in it...hmf...is it such a bad thing?

every time i open it, though i'd promise i'll only look up a single file, i'd end up editing photos using Photoshop, or surfing the net...honestly, i can't measure how much time i have already wasted in doing such things...i could have studied my notes...

i feel as if i am being distracted by these things...

maybe i should start writing reminders on post-its which may contain the following:

"my laptop is my enemy" or "study!... or else.." or even maybe "i hate photoshop...it makes me sick!"

grr...

you may ask why i am acting this way...well, its because just yesterday i was reading For One More Day...i don't want to end up like Chick Benetto...he never had the chance to do the most important things he should have done. He never made his mother feel his affection because he was very distracted by the things around him, his hobby [playing baseball] and his other hobby, surrendering himself to beer thus loosing track of time...

i never wanted to end up regretting the things that i have done... all i want is to do everything once, and to get them right once...i want to avoid mistakes that can hinder me in achieving my goals...

...moved on

2008-02-21T14:38:00.004+08:00

i'd just like to share my creative work...actually it's one of our exercises in my CW 10 class...the requirement: the two main characters should meet at the grocery store specifically either at the infant care isle or the pet needs isle... i chose to make them meet at the infant care isle to create a bit of interest...^^,

Elle had indulged herself for the night with the downy pillows that gave her her much needed company. The warmth of the morning light was enough to bring her back to her senses. The fresh breeze that came though the window brought about the scent of a new beginning in her life. She lifted herself off her plain snowy white bed then she extended her slender, clumsy arms towards the ceiling. She pushed away a few large empty boxes that hindered her path to the bathroom. Every step made her feel the bare coldness of the floor, and the floor to feel her warm presence. She stared at the reflected image of hers, her deep eyes were still plumped with tears, and her chapped lips longed for the kiss that once made her feel loved. Her hair was as dry as it could ever be and yet she never cared. Elle bathed briefly. She cannot afford to lose such a very valuable day. She slipped into a loose pale shirt which she paired with a denim skirt worn through the years and comfortably sturdy flip-flops. She hurriedly went down the stairs, assuring she would seize every moment of the day. She grabbed her oversized bag and a trusty local map before she drove off to the grocery store. She then sighed and said, “This is a new day.”

Elle swung open the rigid door with her frail hands. Finally she was there. She took out a list and whispered “Let the scavenger’s hunt begin!” She stops once in a while to check for overhead labels that would lead her to the right isle. The illusive final item was soon needed and she has to hustle. She asked a local where to find it and she was informed that it was at the back of the store so she has to pass through the diapers section. She scooted through the crowd easily. Then at the blink of an eye, something on the floor urged the cart to turn sideways. The trolley skidded like a car drifting on a hillside. Elle was being dragged by the trolley so with a single burst of effort she planted her feet to the ground and leaned backward, extending her arm and pulling the cart towards her. The cart stopped. Elle was relieved. Soon she realized the cart stopped not because of her but because it hit someone. The force of the hurdling cart brought the man to his knees. “Sorry!” Elle exclaimed while she approached the victim. He wore a well tailored suit and a pair of black leather shoes. His scent encircled her and hers encircled him. Elle helped him regain his bearing. But his weight pulled them together towards the ground. His eyes fixed on hers. He finally broke the gaze, stood up and said “You really literally knocked me off my feet.” He put on a big grin on his face. He held out his hand but Elle had managed to get up on her own. Elle answered back a sweet smile. She stared at his enticing bluish gray eyes, and worked her gaze towards his hands which were both full of calluses. “I’m really sorry.” She reiterated her apology. “I’m okay. Don’t worry.” His dark raspy voice echoed in Elle’s ears. She was ready to say something but the words did not seem to come out. “I’d better go then.” He replied, “Thank you for bumping into me, you surely woke up my senses.” Elle grabbed his arm. It was full of odd contours, it was very masculine indeed. “Wait!” A single word came out of nowhere. “May I know your name?” His smile reflected his loving heart. “It’s Luis. I’ll see you around then!” Her grip loosened as her chest tightened with joy. His image was soon reduced to a silhouette as he went towards the horizon. His scent still lingered in the air. “Yes, I’ll see you around.” She thought with a smiling heart.

Ljubljana, Slovenia

2007-12-11T13:21:00.000+08:00

wow!...this day is a blast!!....nanalo group namin kanina sa geog..haha,..
we were asked to tell the specific city located at a given latitude and longtitude measure...and when we are already sure of our answers we should buzz in...

one of the given measures was this: 46˚03' N 14˚30'E

so we hurriedly looked for that specific city...we finally found it...so we buzzed in, haha...it was spelled like this: Ljubljana... eh we were not so sure how to prounce it so my groupmate just shouted out "jubojana" in a not so clear manner...we were all bursting in laughter...haha...it sounded sooo funny....luckily our answer was accepted and it earned us a point para mag-tie kami ng leading group....

in the end kami nanalo at ung sagot namin e Honolulu, Hawaii (which is actually located at 21˚19' N latitude 157˚52' W longitude)...yey!

our prize?...simple lang naman, isang pack ng chocnut...haha...well we shared it to the other groups naman...hehe...

it was soo fun!, [^^,]

PE 2 BW-D

2007-11-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

i have had so much fun memories during my PE class last sem..i didn't have to worry about my grade at all...and the best part is, i found new friends...it was very fun playing and mingling with them...

Ang una sa left, sya si Adrian...hehe..astig syang bumato ng bola...haha, peace!!!.next e si ate yhe-ann, then si ate mary joy..tapos ako, then si kuya ed, then si ate regine,then si ate bea, next si kuya vincent, then si patrick..si ate gianne wala sa picture kasi absent sya nun...

hay...wala lang...i had a pe course like no other..it was really really fun!...i miss it sooo much...in fact i never really expected it to be so much fun because i have not really played bowling before,..tsaka hindi dapat ito ang inenlist ko...but i had no choice, i enlisted this subject hoping that i would be classmates with a new found friend of mine...she told me she was already enlisted in this subject...pero un pala, ibang time iyong sa kanya...haha...oh well, mabuti na lang at ganoon ang nagyari kasi, kung hindi, hindi ko makikilala sina adrian, ate xhe-ann, ate regine, kuya vincent, kuya ed, ate mary joy, ate bea, ate gianne at si patrick...[^^,]

a new layout at last!

2007-11-18T12:26:00.000+08:00

Yipee! i am sooo happy. . .finally i have made a new layout for my blog!. . .it was so hard for me to find some inspiration for this layout and so it took me quite a while to find such. . .

well, i was inspired by this bag:

i got it it from Divisoria, haha [^^,]

i was the one who made the flowers seen in the background. . .i really needed to give my extra effort because i cannot really find a photoshop brush that would exactly match the design of the bag. . .i guess that extra effort paid off really well. . .yey! i'm soooo happy!

.1st year.1st sem.

2007-09-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

as i laid down myself to sleep, i started to reminisce the past. suddenly i just jumped up and i said to myself, i have to post these photos which were taken at my new alma mater, if there is only one way of preserving events for eternity, then that would capturing it through the lens of a camera....[click to view the whole pic]

hehe...[pasensya na po kung walang captions iyong mga pics!]...anyway, the first four pictures on the top row were taken during my KAS 1 class...hehehe, wala kasi akong magawa...

hmf...i can't believe it!...the first sem is nearing its end. and i think i can get through it. but its so sad to note that i would again part ways with the people whom i made my friends. i have had fond memories and some bad ones as well. i guess this is how life goes on. events that would just seem to have passed us by swiftly would already become part of our keepsakes. i still haven't done some things yet. i need to review for my sixth long exam and final exam in Math 17 and for my fourth and final exam for Econ 11. urgh. and i still need to know very well all of my block mates [hehe]. there are so many things to do but so little time.

i definitely became more conscious of my grades...i cannot not think about my scores in my past exams...but i have learned a very important lesson, that is, grades are not really important. what is important is that i am able to derive morals and that i am able to apply them in my life...

Life-changing,..that is how i would describe my first semester of my first year of stay in UP...

blockmate

2007-09-27T10:06:00.000+08:00

i just wanted to relate what had happened earlier this day. . .

as i was attending my first class of the day, a single thought kept reoccurring in my mind. i have known Lyra for the past 3 months. she is my classmate in this class. we are both taking the same course. it never came into my mind that she is my block mate and i never dared to ask her ever since we met. once in a while we would have short conversations but often times we would just be quiet and attentively listen to our professor. i am two seats away from her and that i can easily call her attention if i want to. as i have said, a single thought kept reoccurring in my mind. what if Lyra is my block mate? what if? what if?. . .honestly, i really hate it if my thoughts are bothering me, that is why i am forced to blurt out whatever i have in my mind. And so i leaned towards her as i cleared my throat before speaking. then i asked her, "Lyra? Anong block mo sa Econ?". then she answered back "E-5". then i quickly replied to her "Halah, magkablock pala tayo!". our other seatmates heard our conversation and they started to burst out laughter. we both just smiled, then she said "Ngayon lang natin nalaman na magka-block pala tayo, mageend na ang sem. Ano ba yan!".

hehe. i can't blame myself nor can i blame her for being very very late in knowing that we are both block mates. i admit, our block is very useless, it should have never been called a block section in the first place. our block only met once and that was during the Freshman Orientation Program. but i can remember it clearly that we were commended because of our active cheers during the said program. we never bonded altogether, though. i envy the other freshie blocks in our college because it seems to me that they already are very very close to each other. urgh.

to all my block mates out there that i haven't met yet, i am looking forward to meeting you during the next semester!...haha

i am afraid to fail

2007-09-19T22:09:00.002+08:00

"ei! nsn n un bing n kila2 k. . .ngaun mo ipakita ah. . ."

as soon as i have read my friend's text message to me, i broke down into tears. . .i could not help but think, why am i this way. . .i have been too rude to myself. it is just now that i have realized i am the one causing too much pressure on myself. . .i am being reprimanded by the way i think about the consequences of my actions. . .i kept on setting goals which i thought i can attain. i should have know better. . .hmf. . .what should i do next?. . .

i feel as if i can't take it anymore. . .urgh, all the pressure that i am feeling right now. . .i have to compensate all of the wrong things that i have done. . .its never too late, i guess. . .i still have much time to prove myself, and to find who i really am. . .honestly, for me, entering college is like venturing out into the unknown. . .once in a while you fall, but you'll never give up. . .still, in each one of us there lies a longing to survive into this adventure. . .i hope mine has not died out yet. . .i can never remove my fear of being left alone and for having no one to share to my personal thoughts. . .it is so hard for me to have no one who would physically encourage me or for having nothing that would wake me up to do my best. . .i have been so used to respond to drastic changes. . .i deserve a slap, not a clap. . .i want to wake up already and free myself from a nightmare that all started from my fear of failure. . .

my type of music

2007-09-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

musics soothes my senses. it relaxes my whole body whenever i listen to it. it makes me forget for a while my problems and in fact encourages my mind to open to possibilities. i only listen to music when i have time. i never consider it as a distraction whenever i do school work.

sometimes i tend to become too emotional when listening to songs that relate to life. it is as if i can internalize and feel the mood of the song that i am listening to. yesterday evening, we have watched the most awaited High School Musical 2 movie. . .they have a very nice soundtrack which i wanted to share to you, some of their songs are very good and some are touching that can be enough to make you teary-eyed. . .and here are some of the songs included in their soundtrack:

I am unworthy of me

2007-08-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

I wake up one day feeling all the pressures of having to compensate with all the expectations of the people around me.

Ever since the first day of classes, I have had this feeling of having to regret everything that I have done in the past. I feel as if I am not doing what I am supposed to do and that I am not meeting other’s expectations. I have been too paranoid on having to please them. I was put under constant pressure, I should do this, no I should not do that and so on. Whenever I stumble or make a mistake, just a single tiny mistake, it would mean a lot to them. I feel so confined and imprisoned in this unwanted state.

Before, I guess I have never been successful in finding my self. I follow what others want me to be, not what I really want to be. I feel that this is not me. I am living another person’s dream but not my own dream. Urgh. I am so frustrated of myself. Am I being too kind, letting others rule over my life? Am I being too other centered? How can I find myself? How will I prove to them that I am an individual just seeking for my true identity?

Life is hard. But it would even get harder if I would succumb to its challenges. It is just now that I have realized, with all the concern that I am putting to pleasing others is what is building me, making me strong. It is because I could see the flaw and that I could act against it. The more that I am aware, the more that I would respond. Maybe it is in following what others say that I establish a foundation of myself.

I remember those self-awareness tests that the guidance councilor would give when I was still in high school. I can honestly say that it was of little help to me. Yes I was aware but then that sense of awareness did not sink in. I cannot be fully aware of myself in an instant, right? Self-awareness takes time. It is only through first hand experience that I would learn more about myself. For now, I am still unworthy of me because I am still in the process of establishing myself and seeking a quality that would make me authentic and would set me apart from others. I still have to conquer a lot of life’s challenges.

a month after [lessons & realizations]

2007-07-30T14:25:00.000+08:00

life's lessons are learned through experiences. . .here is a compilation of the things that i have already realized and learned after more than a month that i have been studying here in UP, i think i have changed a bit and i have already learned a few things aside from the topics that we learn within our classrooms. . .

lessons learned:

- i have learned to be more careful of my things [because i was already robbed and it is nothing to laugh about]

- if ever the professor would tell us to review our lessons, we should follow

- don't cram [review in advance, you'll never know when the next big
exam would come]

- don't daydream during classes

- it's hard when you are all alone [pero ok din kasi nakakapag reflect
ka]

- prepare in advance

- "early to bed, early to rise" in other words don't be late in class[^^,] [iba dito sa manila, mahirap maghabol ng oras]

- listen attentively

- huwag tatanga-tanga. . .

- no matter how much you miss your high school classmates, still try to move on and keep striving for the future. . .

- don't be such an airhead when ever you'll get a high score in one of your exams.
chances are, you'll not want to study harder anymore because you'll already
assume that you'll also get a high score on the next exam.

i know and i am aware that these are only a handful of lessons that i would learn within my stay here in UP. these are a means for me to improve and eventually become better. i entered UP not because i wanted to to belong in a popular university nor to belong in an elite class but i enterd UP because i wnat to challenge myself to become the best of myself. i hope and pray that as i go on in my college life, i would progress and attain maturity. . .i was labeled as a very serious person because whenever i already enjoy the things that i am doing, i would put my best foot forward and give all my heart into finishing it, but sometimes [as they say] my best is not really good enough. therefore i am and was awakened to the truth that i have to double, or even tripple my efforts. . .[^^,] kaya ko to!. . .hehehe

A good day gone bad. . .

2007-07-11T18:51:00.000+08:00

All that starts well, ends well. I firmly believed this quotation up until last Monday, July 2, 2007. As usual I would do my daily routine wake up, eat breakfast and then prepare for school. But that day was different. . .

I woke up with a smile on my face as if I was expecting something to happen, perhaps series of events that would make my day worthwhile and interesting. I carefully fixed my things and got myself ready for school. It was on that day that we had our first exam in Math 17. I got a bit worried though, because even if I thought I was already prepared, I would never know what to expect. My nervousness subsided as I started to answer the questions and solve the problems. The test started well, and it ended well. I passed but then I know can still improve. I was contented. I proceeded then to my next class, which was Econ 11, without any burden.

I’ve waited for a classmate of mine a bit longer than usual. I was not that irritated because I did not want to ruin my day. My Econ class started well, and it ended well. I understood well the concepts and some key points included in the lecture.

As sad as it looked, I went on to my next class without any companion. Still, I was not intimidated by the fact that I was all alone because obviously I really did not want to ruin the day that seemed to be my best day in college so far. My next class was bowling. I hurriedly went to the bowling alley. I talked to my group mates casually. When we were already complete, we started to play. I remember our instructor jokingly telling us this: “If ever man na maka-strike kayo, saludo ako sa inyo! Kasi naman you have to cope up with all the bumps and humps nung mga lanes. Kaya kung misan pag-rinoll niyo na yung bola, makikita niyo na lang na tumatalon ito o lumiliko!” Hehe. Then it was my turn to play. I never dreamt of having a strike. Kahit spare lang kontento na ako. And so I did score a spare. I was so happy because I was the one who obtained the highest score. My bowling class started well and it ended well.

My day was about to end and so I thought it would end well. Even though most of the things that had happened that day started well and ended well, one event spoiled everything else. I went home bearing a happy thought but at the back of my head I started to question why all these good things were happening. i tried to stop thinking about this. Then I went home riding two jeepneys and a tricycle one after the other. As I took a seat in the second jeepney, I carefully opened the front pocket my bag and to my surprise, my wallet was missing! All of my money was lost, even my ATM card. Ouch! It really hurts at first. I did not know what to do next. I was so overwhelmed and confused. Until now my conscience bugs me because I was not able to pay the jeepney driver. Waah! I got home with a heavy heart.

At the end of the day, i was still thankful that I was not harmed. Someone stole my wallet and he is very lucky, its as if out of FREE WILL I gave him 1000+ pesos. Hmf. But because of this incident, all the more that I felt loved. My family and relatives was there to support me even though they gave me long piercing “sermons”. I know it was my fault and I was the one to be blamed for not being cautious. And then I thought, all the good things that had happened that day had a purpose, that is they were to appease what had happened next. It was indeed a good day gone bad. [^^,]

give more than what is expected

2007-07-02T13:15:00.000+08:00

I am not being myself lately. . .its as if i cannot really have a grasp on the things happening around me, . .i cannot react whenever i need to. . .i want t0 cry but n0 tears are coming out. . .time flies so fast, . .and i can barely resp0nd t0 this abrupt change. . .

i have been so worried of the things that may come in my way. . .i admit that i am just scared. . .. . .i miss high school a lot. . .i miss my friends back home. . . in short, i miss HOME. . . everyday, i meet new people. . .but then they can't match those people whom i have been with for four long years. . .i have also been worried about my studies. . .next Monday, we will have our first examination in Math 17. . .and i need to review. . .then on July 14 we will already have our first examination on Econ 11. . .i am so nervous. . ."kinakabahan talaga ako!". . .i can't seem to know what to do next. . .

yesterday morning, right after i woke up. . .i approached the poster on the door of my room. . .it was somewhat a "daily advice" poster, in it are some pieces of advice and instructions. . .the instructions told me to close my eyes and then turn around then point to any part of the poster. . .whatever advice that i would point to, i SHOULD follow it. . .and so i opened my eyes then i slowly lifted my finger. . ,this was the advice:"GIVE MORE THAN WHAT IS EXPECTED". . .then as if i was enlightened. . . i was so blinded of the thing that were going on around me . .i was so overwhelmed that i was not able to give my very best. . .and i could not even recognize God's presence. . .that He is always ready to support me when ever i am in need. . .

i won't promise anything after having known these insights, but then i would try to give my best and exert extra effort. . .

I miss SLR

2007-06-24T12:09:00.001+08:00

" You're not alone

together we stand

i'll be by your side

you know i'll take your hand

when it gets cold

and it feels like the end

theres no place to go

you know i wont give in

no i wont give in. . . "

the hardest part of missing a group of people is that no matter what you do, . .you won't see them for a long while because of the distance between you. . .you can't hear their voices, their giggles and laughs. . .you can't see their facial expressions. . .are they all right?, . .are they happy?. . .hmf. . .i just remembered my high school friends. . , i want to see them right now. . .yah i know, i seems that i am over reacting. . .but then what would you feel if those people whom you have been with for the past 4 years, those people whom you have shared with your thoughts and secrets. . .those people whom you have laughed and cried with. . .will be apart from you. . .without any constant communication. . .nor any constant updates of their where abouts and so on. . .its as if my life is empty without them. . . the above video was made by my friend. . . he dedicated this to all of my classmates from IV - St. Lorenzo Ruiz batch '07. . .i really really miss them a lot! . .i demand a reunion!. . .hehe,[^^,]

. . .sfumato. . .

2007-06-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

"sfumato". . .this was the word that had struck me when i was reading a book entitled, "How to Think Like Da Vinci". . .it was one of the seven principles that Da Vinci used in every work of art that he had made. . .but then the book had presented a deeper meaning of it. . .below the word was a description that somewhat goes like this: willingness to accept ambiguity and uncertainty. . .in my previous blog entry, i wrote about my concerns about my future. . .well now i have found the answer of what i should really do. . .

it made sense to me that i should not really worry. . .what i should be concerned of is the things that i am confronting at present. . .i have realized that i should do my best so that i would arrive at my goals. . .but of course, i should first deal with short term goals that would lead me to life long goals. . .

for this past week, well actually this is the first week of our classes. . .i had already begun my college life. . .what can i say about it?. . .uhm, at first i was so concerned of making friends but then in an instant they just came. . .i was so glad. . .i was also a bit nervous because i didn't know if my instructor would be "terror". . .but then everything went just fine. . .being a freshie is really tough because you should adjust first yourself to a new environment. . .i hope and pray that everything would go well as i pursue with my studies. . .i miss so much my old friends back home!. . .waah!, when can we meet again!. . .hehe[^^,]. . .well good luck and God Bless to evreyone! all i can say is:

OBSTACLES DONT HAVE TO STOP YOU! Fight them head strong!

well i guess this is all for now!,

- annavee ♥

Turbid Future

2007-05-30T19:49:00.001+08:00

{ no one knows for certain what lies ahead of us }

This is the thought that comes into my mind whenever i think of my future. i really am not sure what profession would i have or what kind of life will i live. i am aware that another chapter of my life would soon begin { college life }. I should expect what is unexpected, be prepared for what is in store for me and overcome my fears regarding college life. there are so many questions that i wanted to ask but it seems that these can only be answered when time comes. . .

I have been very grateful and honored to be one of those those fortunate enough to enroll in a prestigious institution. It is where i chose to belong to. And it is where i chose to build my dreams. I hope i made the right desicion for i want that my future would be good.

i still have some worries but i am trying my best to be more positive on my outlook on college life. . .i can do this! and i would give it my best shot!

- annavee ♥

. . .

2007-04-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'll Always Love You

[by Nina]

standing by my window

listening for you call

seems i really miss you after all

time won't let keep this sad thoughts to myself

i just like to let you know

i wish i never let go

and i'll always love you

deep inside this heart of mine

i do love you

and i'll always need you

and if you ever change your mind

i still, i will, love you

i'd wish you never left me

but loves a mystery

you can break a heart so easily

days and nights reveal how much i feel for you

time has come for me to see how much your love has meant to me

and i'll always love you

and if you ever change your mind

i still, i will, love you

time like a river keeps on rollin right on by

nothing left for me to do

so i watch the river rise

and i'll always love you

deep inside this heart of mine

i do love you

and i'll always need you and if you ever change your mind

i still, i will, i'll still love you

sweet sixteen

2007-04-07T20:16:00.001+08:00

yesterday was my birthday . . .it was a birthday like no other [^^,] . . .i am soooo happy. . .uhm, yesterday was also Good Friday. . .our celebration was only simple. . .my mom and dad cooked spaghetti, tuna spaghetti in particular[^^,] . . .i am very grateful for all the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. . .although i did not have material gifts, i am still thankful because God has given me the gift of life. . .hay, it has been 16 long years,

16 thoughtful years

years of agony and pain

years full of fun memories

full of joy and laughter

its been so long since i had first opened my eyes

and had gazed upon the beauty of this world

i love my life and i treasure it. . .

wah! to all those who had greeted me, thank you so much for you had filled my heart with an overwhelming kind of joy!. . .thank you soooo much! [^^,]. . .hehehehe. . .thank you to:

my family

and friends specifically

Teresa

Sheera

Aaron

Dominic

Von

Ryan

Delfin

Daryl

Dessa

Tin

Jemajo

Julie

Tincy

Aea

Joanne

Nah

Millicent

Frances

Yvette

Josephine

Oshin

Maribel

Kim

Rainick

Debbie

Ralph

Rey

Rozbel

Karen

Tinny

Kuya Marky

Kuya Eldon

[^^,]

sa mga hindi nakaalala sa akin,. . . ok lang hehehe,. . .i forgive you

hmmm, life may not offer us the best ang greatest experiences but unknowingly these are the experiences that would mold us into better persons. . .may God give me the strength to continue struggling against the challenges that are coming my way. . . i love my life and i will never exchange it for anything else for my life is very meaningful with all my friends and family around. . .

[null]

2007-04-02T13:04:00.002+08:00

My life is a mess. . .
I am uncomfortable with what I am, what I have and what others think about me . . .
I can seem to appreciate small things,.
I ain’t happy right now. . .
I can’t just force myself to smile. . .
I feel so down. I don’t know why . . .
with all the of these things happening to me.
I am not sure where will I go next, what would my life be in the near future. . .
all the things that are happening make me feel so weak inside. . .
give up trying already. . .
it's like the world is against me. . .
I am not able to clear up my mind of the things that are bothering me right now. . .
I feel so ashamed of myself. . .
can anyone please help me?!. . .
I want to renew my self . . .
if possible I want to take a new identity, I want to go away. . .
I want myself back!. . .
yah I know man is imperfect that is why the things that revolve around him are also imperfect. . .
too much flaws that you can never hide from others. . .
I am afraid of being myself, of being the true annavee. . .
I want to clean up, renew, revitalize, refresh, replenish. . .
I am so full of regrets but I don’t want to share them all. . .
I don’t want other people seeing me like this. . .it would disappoint them. . .
this is my turn to write what I want to write,
feel what I want to feel, see what I want to see, hear what I want to hear. . .hmf. . .
i miss all of my friends. . .
i want them back. . . but it is really impossible to gather them again. . .
we have chosen different paths to take. . .
and soon we are all away from each other. . .
I don’t want to hold on to promises coz now I have realized that some point in time,
these promises would be broken. . .
good bye for now. . .

. . .

2007-03-04T16:47:00.001+08:00

its already march. . . time flies so fast. . .waah! malapit na graduation. . .18 days more!!!! i'll miss SLR for sure!. . . Here's an excerpt from my speech that i had presented infront of the class. . .

"To Mateh and Shee, thank you for always being there whenever I need you and I would never ever forget that time when we had a misunderstanding. To Jema, follow what your heart desires and thank you for the pieces of advice you have given. To Jen, thank you for all the smiles. Dora, I won’t forget our epal moments and the corny jokes you have shared. Nah, thank you for being my trusted seatmate. Deb, keep up the good work. Yvette, thank you for making me smile and laugh at times. Oshin, I won’t forget all of the hotdogs we would buy whenever we go to martOne during lunch break. Ate Rai, I’ll miss those days when you would always pinch my cheeks. Ly, be confident, you have the gift and continue nurturing it. Niki, I would miss those times when I would reprimand you of your work in Pauli-High. Joanne, I know you are concerned of everybody, thank you, and how I wish you would have a debut album in the near future. Tincy, trust yourself, develop what you already have and you’ll realize that even though you don’t have what others posses, you are still talented. Tin, I’ll miss every good argument you have made in all of our subjects. Daryl, all problems have solutions, it is just a matter of when these solutions would arrive, and also I would like to clarify say that I am not addicted to my hair. Von, don’t be afraid to tell your problems to us, we are here to help you, thank you for always lending a hand whenever I need one. Aea, I won’t forget your being jolly and all of those corny jokes you have also shared. Cium, I’ll miss your dance moves. Delf, set your priorities. Maribel, I’ll miss the way you twirl your hair round and round using your fingers. Julie, I’ll miss the way you laugh. Milling, I admire your being strong in your faith through your religion, you are not alone, we accept you whatever you are. Rhiane, don’t be afraid to show what you feel. Aaron, thank you for keeping all the secrets that I have shared to you, ang mga pamimintas ng ibang tao, wala lang yan, wag mong intindihin. Kim, I’ll miss those times when we are always together in calling for the seniors to line up. JB, I’ll miss all of the piano pieces that you have rendered. Dessa, thank you for making us realize the importance of determination and strong will. To those that I have hurt in one way or another, sorry please accept my apology. And to those who had equally hurt me, thank you because you have made me even stronger. We are one big family, and nothing would come our way. Everyone is equally important for without each and everybody else, SLR won’t be the same."

tsk. . .tsk

2007-02-25T19:41:00.002+08:00

Oh heck, I hate to say this but, we are only left with 25 days more before graduation. . .I promised not to shed even a single teardrop, but I can’t . . .I hate saying goodbye to those whom I dearly love, my friends. . .still I am thankful for they made my high school life meaningful. . .it was God’s plan that I was born to meet them all and that they were born to meet me. . .we’ve been together for a long time, and now we are going to drift apart just to attain our goals in life. . . waaah! I’ll miss yah all . . . good luck and God bless to all . . . i love SLR class 06’-07’!!!!! thank you for accepting who I really am. . .

Here are the things that are happening, now that graduation is near:
- receiving of the results in entrance exams (by the way, I passed in UP Diliman ^^,)
- the so called “ambush picture taking” (di man lang kasi kami nainform)
- crying sessions during our english class (because of our somewhat “farewell speeches”)
- cramming este preparing for exams
- rushing of projects and requirements
- beautification of our area of responsibility
- being so worried on what to wear during the ceremony (I mean, my parents)

oh, by the way, we won 3rd place at the MTAP Division Finals yesterday, Feb 24, 2007. . .Thank You Lord!, thank you to our coach, thank you to my family and friends. . .

[moody]

2007-01-05T12:51:00.002+08:00

the first week of the year is almost over. . .and i have just wasted it. . .di ko na naman ginamit ng mabuti ang panahong nakalaan para sa akin. . .haay!. . . i really feel so down. . .i can seem to know what to do next. . .haay!. . .what's happening!!!!!. . .waaaah!. . .i still have to prepare for the up coming NCAE. . .still make and article for our school publication. . .edit a friend's profile. . .transfer notes. . . and many more. . . i feel so tired. . .hmf. . .but i need to do them. . .and fast. . . i need someone to help me!. . .

Ayaw Ko!

2006-12-27T19:46:00.003+08:00

year 2006 is about to end . . .
and everything that had happened will soon just be in our memories . . .
i dont want to forget them all, ayaw kong makalimot! . . .
gusto ko maalala ko lahat ng nagyari sa taong ito . . .
iyong mga pagkakataong nagtatawanan kami ng aking mga kaibigan. . .
iyong panahong nag-away-away kami. . .
mgapanahong kami ay nag-iyakan. . .
i may sound corny pero totoo naman di ba?. . .
ang mga pangyayaring ito ang nagingdaan upang ako ay mas maging matatag. . .
haay, paano ba yan, sadyang hindi mo mapipigilan ang panahon. . .
malapit na kaming magraduate! waaah! ayoko pa!. . .
mamimis ko lahat ng aking mga kaibigan!. . .
. . . ngunit nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala ko silang lahat dahil they made my life more meaningful. . .
waaah! naiiyak nanaman aku. . . huhuhu. . .

yey! I've got my new blog na!

2006-12-26T11:12:00.001+08:00

finally i have made my blog. . . i am so dying and desperate to make one. . hehe but sadly i did not have enough time. . . waaah! sana nga at hindi magmukhang basura ang blog kong ito hehehe. . . malapit na kaming magGraduate! miss ko na nag class namin! SLR mis ko na kayong lahat!!!!!!